Wherever you are in your life right now, you are worthy of your own love. Loving ourselves doesn’t happen when our life looks “good” on the outside, it happens when we make an intentional effort to start practicing self love—regardless of how we feel about ourselves, our accomplishments, and how things look on the outside.

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” ~RuPaul

Self love is a personal journey that has to take into account our unresolved baggage and traumas, societal pressures that we feel as individuals, and the unique voices of criticism and put downs we hear. Self love is a practice, one that we must commit ourselves to if we want to stop putting ourselves down or allowing others to treat us with anything less than the respect and love we deserve.

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Self love doesn't mean you don't have moments of self doubt. Rather, when we practice self love we are choosing to not be defined by what we doubt about ourselves and instead vowing to live life on our own terms, being authentically true to ourselves without apology.

Keep reading for tips on practicing self love and self acceptance. Or for an interactive experience, journal answers to the prompts provided.

Negative Self Talk is Harmful

“Your mind believes what you tell it.” Whether you’re talking to yourself out loud or in your head (or you hear the voice of someone else telling you you’re not good enough), you’re giving power to those negative words. This voice in our head is impactful, and if we’re not mindful of what we say to ourselves it can harm the way we see ourselves. 

Journal Prompt: Notice Negative Self Talk

Acknowledge what YOUR negative self-talk looks like, and where it pops up:

• In conversation with others: Are you putting yourself down, maybe even jokingly? Do you jump to say “I’m such an idiot”?
• When you’re alone: Do you use harsh words with yourself when you make a mistake? Are you judging or second-guessing yourself?
• Looking in the mirror: Are you criticizing yourself, pointing out all the things that are “wrong” with your physical appearance?
• When scrolling on social media or talking to your friends: Do you compare yourself to others?

The Power of Affirmations

“Affirmations are to the mind what exercise is to the body.” Affirmations are powerful tools, backed by science, that allow you to challenge and overcome negative and self-sabotaging thoughts. Repeating affirmations reprograms your unconscious mind for success, helps eliminate negative and limiting beliefs, and expands your comfort zone where anything is possible. 

Journal Prompt: Create Your Own Affirmations

Write your negative self-talk into positive affirmations. 

• Start with “I am”
• Use the present tense
• Avoid using “not”
• Affirm what you want, not what you don’t want
• Be brief and specific
• Include an action word ending with –ing.
• Use feeling words to create a surge of emotional energy

• Joyfully, lovingly, confidently, gratefully, etc

Example: 

Negative Self Talk: I can’t believe I made that mistake, I’m such an idiot!

Positive Affirmation: I am human and make mistakes. I am gratefully learning from this experience.

Incorporating Affirmations Into Your Routine

Now that you have some affirmations, where can you incorporate them into your life to combat negative self-talk? 

• At your mirror: Writing them on a post-it or using a dry-erase marker. Or simply looking yourself in the eyes and speaking your affirmations to yourself. Sometimes this can feel silly, but this continues to be the most impactful way for me to practice self-love and acceptance. 
• In the moment: When you notice negative self-talk, try immediately replacing that thought with one of your positive affirmations. 
• Incorporating them into your morning routine: Reading your affirmations while brushing your teeth, drinking your coffee, or incorporating them into a mindfulness practice.
• Reminders: Using phone alarms, calendar invites, scheduled emails to yourself to help you pause during the day.

It is important to remember that self love is a journey that lasts a lifetime. Sometimes, self love feels like life—two steps forward and three steps back. Whatever you do, don’t stop. Keep moving forward. And keep repeating to yourself "I deserve my own love."  Because you do!

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‍This blog is intended to provide helpful suggestions for self care and overall well-being. I am not a mental health professional. If you’re struggling I encourage you to seek the help of a professional. Find a Mental Health Professional | National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988