Guest Megan Reilly shares her journey from rejection to acceptance. May it inspire you.

I want this year to be my "Year of Acceptance." I want to reconnect with who I am and learn to be happy with the present moment while still investing positive energy in the future. I have struggled for years, thinking I wasn’t enough and no matter how hard I tried - that thought followed me everywhere.

Awareness is the First Step to Acceptance

I recently came home from a business trip in New Hampshire, where I designed lights and projections for a new play. Almost immediately upon returning to my Texas-based life, I started worrying. I worry a lot about what others think of me, especially about whether I've let them down (Did I see enough of my friends and family while back in NH? Did I pay enough attention to my traveling companion? Did I make mistakes at work and leave my coworkers with a mess?). 

I realize that mindset doesn’t serve me and I want to be done with the constant anxiety. Over the years, I have struggled to accept that others' feelings are theirs, not mine, and I am not responsible for them. I’m still struggling.

I am working to accept most of what I worry about is unimportant in the larger picture of my hopes and dreams.

With that acceptance, I noticed some of the chronic tension that I carry with me slipped away. With that shift came the realization that I am not responsible for what others think of me and it doesn’t really matter what they think of me anyways.

Letting go of the Past is Key to Acceptance

I've carried a tremendous amount of tension in my body for over two decades now. It stems from a lifetime of anxiety over whether or not I'm doing the right thing or being the right person. It's the result of never fully trusting myself, my own perceptions and instincts. And over the last year - which I call the "Year of Rejection" -  my anxiety was at an all time high. I was hopeless, I began to think I was never going to be able to pursue the life I wanted. 

I constantly fight the urge to focus all of my energies AWAY from who I am today and on who I hope to be tomorrow. I try to live my life by the principle of santosha (contentment) and am failing miserably.

The depression of the last year took with it my dedication to yoga. I am reconnecting with that part of myself and recommitting to a practice of self-care. And it's not an easy task. I've become too used to sitting on the couch with my laptop, watching whatever television show was on and waiting for the day to be over. The few times in which I can get out of this routine - especially traveling and MOST especially being away from computers, phones, and televisions - are times in which my mind quiets down and releases some of that anxiety. Those are times when I start to feel like myself again.

Retreat as Recovery

As I make this year my Year of Acceptance, my yoga retreat was instrumental in my journey and a huge part of my healing. The connection to the other women was life-saving. I realized I’m not the only one who struggles with worries and fears. My time in nature allowed me to breathe deeply. The home cooked meals were fabulous and the yoga was the relaxation my body craved. Driving away from the retreat on Sunday, I felt like I was leaving the old me behind and embracing the me I hope to become.

I won’t lie, I still struggle with thinking I’m not enough and worrying what others think of me. But compared to the last several years I’m on a path where I feel like myself again. I have heaved myself off of the couch and it feels good. I want to get out and experience life and see my friends again. And go on another yoga retreat.

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This blog is intended to provide helpful suggestions for self care and overall well-being. I am not a mental health professional. If you’re struggling I encourage you to seek the help of a professional. Find a Mental Health Professional | National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988