Dare to Set Boundaries
Theresa Polley
August 10, 2021
April 28, 2022
Self Care
Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. ~Anna Taylor

This quote allowed me to see the importance of boundaries.

I used to be that person that couldn’t say no. No matter if my world was falling apart, if someone needed me I was there. A people pleaser through and through. Organize a friend’s birthday party? Need a ride from the airport? A volunteer project with the PTO? Stay late at work? Do all of the cooking and cleaning at home plus my full time job? Of course I can. 

Essentially I had no boundaries. I gave of my time and resources tirelessly, until I exhausted myself. Without boundaries, I not only depleted my time and energy, I lost myself in the process. 

Boundaries are necessary and I believe they should be non-negotiable. If we don’t have boundaries how are we able to prioritize what we need? I’ve found, If boundaries are not firmly in place, there is usually that one person who will try to negotiate or manipulate their wants into your world. And when you double down on your boundaries they will be the one who calls you out for being uncaring and selfish. Don’t believe it.

Setting boundaries is self-care. It doesn’t mean you are selfish or unkind. 

Sometimes a boundary means completely removing someone (a friend or family member even) from your life. Difficult - yes, but it is self preservations. Especially when we recognize those individuals who try to make us responsible for their behaviors and feelings, while taking no responsibility at all.

Boundaries are needed
  • To separate your personal life from your work life.
  • To differentiate your family and friend time from your personal time.
  • To free yourself from taking responsibility for someone else’s actions, emotions or life. That responsibility lies with them.
  • To give yourself the self care you need and deserve
How to set a boundary
  • Be calm.
  • Be clear.
  • Be straightforward.
  • Be respectful.
  • No need to justify or rationalize setting a boundary.
  • Definitely don't apologize for setting a boundary.

Nowadays with social media, where seemingly everyone shares every thought and emotion without a filter, it is more important than ever to have your boundaries firmly in place. Determining clear boundaries for how much time you want to spend on social platforms and will allow you to engage on your terms. And not go down the rabbit hole! Setting a timer is a great first step.

When you realize not everyone needs 24/7 access to you, you can begin to make changes. You’re allowed to say no, break plans, not answer calls or texts. Make you and your needs your first priority.

Setting boundaries is definitely not easy. It takes courage and the more you practice, the easier it gets. Give yourself the life you deserve - free from being responsible for someone else’s wants. So you can focus on what you need.

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Theresa Polley

Theresa believes ALL women have the right to live life on their own terms. In 2004, she created Retreat in the Pines to give women a safe space to be their authentic selves without apology while finding the healing and renewal they deserve.

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